I SUPPOSE it was three or four years ago that I first heard an old song called 'Have You Ever Been Lonely?' It's old enough, anyway, for Mums and Dads from here to Haverfordwest (and that's a long way!), to chunter on about them not writing songs like that anymore.
    Be that as it may, as they say. This particular oldie starts with the words, 'Have you ever been lonely, have you ever been blue?' I remember thinking when I heard it: no, I haven't.
    As I was fourteen or so at the time, it's not surprising that I was seldom lonely and hardly ever blue. At school, with all your mates, you don't slow down long enough to get all moody, do you?
    Even now, I can't really admit to having been lonely or blue. To a large extent it's because I'm still surrounded by good mates for most hours of the day. Sure, there have been times when I've felt a bit down. I'm not always running around with a cheeky smile on my cheeky face, and I know you'd be the last to believe that I was.
    It's the travelling that gets naughty on ocassions - and in the last few months we've notched up a fair mileage. As you're nipping along on some fancy super jet service high above some foreign clouds you suddenly come to the sad realisation that it's a long way to Piccadilly. Piccadilly in Manchester, that is.
    I suppose as kids we don't give a moment's thought to the worries and heartaches of older people. Then without any warning at all - bang! - you're an older person yourself. Old enough, at any rate, to find yourself face to face with thumping great problems that you never knew existed.
    Suddenly you sympathise with older people. I've been a pretty lucky guy one way and the other. This is when you count your blessings. The difficult part is appreciating the other guy's bad luck. My Mum ad Dad have reminded me more than once that you don't have to look far to find someone worse off than yourself. And this is so very true.
    I think we're all a bit too selfish, looking out for number one all the time. That's a human failing, after all, but it's better if you are able to appreciate the other person's misfortune and - more important - do something to help.

HAVE you ever thought of the things in life that are most important to you? In my book they are: health and happiness. The health part surely goes without saying. It's when you start on the happiness kick that you get all snarled up. Because when you talk about happiness, you talk about the heart. And boy! that's where the trouble starts, doesn't it?
    It's like I was saying. As a kid you dismiss all the old love jazz in one word: sloppy. Then, with not much warning at all, you yourself qualify for all the agonies and heartaches of growing up - and it's not sloppy anymore.
    What can you say to someone whose dreams have been shattered as he, or she, walks away from an equally shattered love affair? After giving the matter some thought, I know what I would say - but I know only because it's the way I think I would react to the situation if it happened to me personally.
    This must surely be the most difficult situation in which to offer advice - however well-intentioned and constructive it may be. Difficult because, despite all your advice, the unhappy person concerned is really the only one who can cope with the problems in the long run. If, along the way, your advice has been of any help,

 


In our pop poll a few weeks ago, a lot of you voted Herman as the boy to cheer you up when you have been jilted. Well, this is his advice to you when you feel in the dumps. He's a great lad for cheering people up - well, you only need to look at the grin to feel better!
so much the better.
    I think maybe I've really hit the old nail on the head when I talk about "coping" with the situation. Because you just have to cope with it: there's no other solution.
    All right, so you've been let down in love. So cry on someone's shoulder. As square as that may sound, it's a great idea. A good cry never hurt anyone. It gets rid of all the pent-up emotions and clears the decks for a new start.

BUT life is too precious - and too short - for anyone to wallow in the depths of despair and misery longer than is absolutely necessary. Let's face it, you can't do away entirely with the misery bit. No one would expect that. But the answer is to get shot of it as soon as possible.
    A feeling of resentment is natural enough, too, if you are the one to learn suddenly that you're taking part ina one-sided love affair. But it's a fact that one-sided love just doesn't work out.
    Of course, no one will blame you for trying to make it work. It's been tried before - and successfully, too. But I can't help feeling that the failures outnumber the successes. If a girl told me she didn't love me any more, I reckon I'd be less than human if I didn't try to get her back. But, if I did get her back, I'd hate to think that she came out of a sense of sympathy, or guilt, or because of an obligation, or something like that.
    Everyone wants a lasting love and this sort of patched-up love affair might survive a few weeks, even months. But I think that before long the things that made it crack in the first place would show up again and you'd be knee-deep in it all once more.
    No, that friendly shoulder is favourite with me. Get all the hurt out of your system as quickly and as painlessly as you can - and then get swinging in another direction.

SO it's easy for me to write about it all! Herman's Hints For Heavy Hearts! I know. You're absolutely right. It's easy to write about it - and to read about it - but much harder to cope when you come face to face with it. I know that, too. You're right again.
    The end of the world is usually just around the next corner on occasions like this, isn't it? It's a funny thing, and quite impossible to explain, but something always turns up to lend a helping hand. And one of the greatest helps at such times - is time itself.
    You must have at some time or the other been really broken up about something - and then a month later wondered what on earth you were making all the fuss about.
    It's crazy, but when you're writing something like this all the old sayings that you've ever heard come rushing to mind. And most of them fit, too. You know what I mean ... more fish in the sea, pebbles on the beach, and all that bit. Perhaps the answer is that all these older people have gone through the same thing themselves, strange as it may seem to us! and other Mums and Dads before our Mums and Dads and so on.
    Those crazy song titles, too. They sum up the whole messy situation, don't they? And they don't help much, either, if you're feeling particularly blue! We're making our own contribution with such titles as 'Yesterday Man,' 'Love Is Strange' (that's the truth!),' 'Is It Really Over?', 'Still I'm Sad', and 'Don't Bring Me Your Heartaches'.
    Then, of course, there's 'Have You Ever Been Lonely?'
    They don't write songs like that ...


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