I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND why girls will spend a whole evening hinting around that the biggest deal going would be for you to ask for a goodnight kiss, and then when you finally do, they wont.

I'll NEVER UNDERSTAND why girls always give each other the once-over at parties. You can almost hear the meowing!

I'll NEVER UNDERSTAND why a girl who agrees to go dutch when you're short of loot acts like she's taking over and tries to run the whole deal.

I'll NEVER UNDERSTAND how a girl can go to the beach, stay under an umbrella, pour five gallons of sun tan oil over herself, never get in the sun, and still go home looking like a lobster.

I'll NEVER UNDERSTAND why girls always want to know every single thing there is to know about your family, including such things as the birthplace of your great aunt's mother-in-law.

I'll NEVER UNDERSTAND why girls are so completely, absolutely, defiantly, irrevocably, positively against accepting last-minute dates.

I'll NEVER UNDERSTAND why a girl even bothers to ask if you like her hair long or short, when she's planning to chop it all off the next day regardless.

I'll NEVER UNDERSTAND why girls try so hard to be so much alike. How come they don't realize that the biggest thing they've got going for them is that they're so wonderfully different?

I'll NEVER UNDERSTAND why girls fall all over babies and puppies and hamsters, and scream like it's the end of the world if they see a pathetic, homeless, undernourished little mouse.

I'll NEVER UNDERSTAND why girls fly off the handle and cry and get angry and then refuse to even talk about it.

I'll NEVER UNDERSTAND why girls think that make-up, clothes, and Rock Hudson (in that order) are more interesting than cars and sports.

I'll NEVER UNDERSTAND why girls who wear glasses never take them off when you're trying for a kiss.

I'll NEVER UNDERSTAND why girls spend four full hours combing and brushing and fluffing their hair just so they'll look like they've come out of a windstorm.

I'll NEVER UNDERSTAND why girls insist on wearing high heels, and then spend the whole darn night complaining about them.

I'll NEVER UNDERSTAND why everything always has to be a major production with girls, even if it's only something like buying a twenty-five cent tube of lipstick.

I'll NEVER UNDERSTAND why girls act the way they do on double dates. It's like they've got a secret pact or something, and we guys don't even exist. If that's the case, what're we along on the date for?

I'll NEVER UNDERSTAND why girls keep apologizing about the way their hair looks or something like that, when nobody else even noticed it in the first place.