Luncheon With Peter Noone
THE PRESS WAS VERY DIFFICULT TO PLEASE. BUT PETER MANAGED IT BEAUTIFULLY
... AS HE ALWAYS DOES.

THE master of ceremonies wasn't about to stop rapping about what a big production this was, this press lunch for Herman's Hermits. The Grandest Ballroom of the Americana Hotel, right ... the entire press of nations, right ... fifty DJ's flown here for the occasion ... right ... multi-million dollar American tour ... right ... show our thanks in a big way, right ... right ...
    And all these people - DJ's and reporters and photographers and agents and promoters - are sitting at their many round white tables, dropping the free lunch and going back to the buffet - or the bar - for moresies.

Scenes to be seen at Herman's NY Press Lunch

    The kids - PETER NOONE and the others - are introduced. What, no trumpets? Something must have blown the sound system. Well, it's no sweat to imagine trumpets, what with all this lavishness.
    Anyhow - the kids come in behind Connie (Donnie de Nave, in case you were just born, super-press agent of the supergroups), who is very alert to take in the whole scene for possible hang-ups. Like a safari guide in lion country. Only, she's looking for things like teeny-boppers hiding under the tables or disguised as waiters, or photographers in the wrong places, or empty seats at the front tables. You know - the things that press agents have to be onto. It's cool, it's a conference table on a platform; a glass of water is delivered to each.
    M.C.: The boys are ready to answer some questions ... are there any questions? ... does anybody have any questions? ... any?
    What everyone wants to say is, "Hey lay off man, we're eating, we're not working, this is lunch hour and you're getting in the way of the food, so wait, OK?" Instead, no one says a thing. After maybe a week - it seemed - someone asked the first question, and soon there were others.
    This Herman - Peter kid was out of sight handling those questions. Zero cool, perfect. I heard some of those questions, man, I thought, we're back in 1960. "Why is your hair so long and what kind of music is this rock and roll and what is the difference between you and The Beatles, etc. ... ?" Unbelievable!
    I'll let you onto something: most reporters think that they have to ask the kinds of questions that their dumbest readers would want to ask. Now, dig a reporter trying to think dumb - the result is pretty heavy stupidity. You know what you get when you ask a stupid question: you get a stupid answer, or you get put down, which is why most interviews are worthless and degrading.
    But Peter Noone was so cool!
    A photographer once was showing me a series of pictures he had shot of Peter.
    "Look at these shots," he said. "Not one bad pose. Not one picture you couldn't put on the cover of a magazine. The kid just can't take a bad picture. He's a photographer's dream."
    And someone handling his press told me, "Peter is so cooperative. He never complains, and he asks our advice, and he tells us everything. He's a press agent's dream."
    And I know that whatever kind of story you run about Peter in a fan magazine, all your readers will tell you that it was their favorite story in the whole issue. He's a fan magazine and editor's dream.
    And parents of teenagers write to us and say, "I'm so glad that my daughter loves Herman because he's so sweet and proper and cute and I know I can trust my daughter if she has such good taste. Thank God she doesn't like those other dirty rebellious beatnik groups." So he's a fan's parents dream.

       And if you're reading this, you don't need me to tell you that he's your dream.
    Dig it - Peter Noone of Herman's Hermits is everybody's dream in the whole world. That's how he's made it to where he is, and that's how he stays there.
    It's a scary game, being everybody's dream, a delicate and scary game. One goof, just one, is going to stand way out where everyone can see it and wonder what's wrong. The whole image can blow on one goof.
    Think of how many things other stars can survive. Like not bothering to show up for a concert, or showing up stoned, or walking out, or being rude, or talking dirty, or having illegitimate children, or getting married or divorced, or looking scuzzy, or even being busted for drugs.
    But can you picture Peter doing any of them? Don't sweat it - he won't. He can't. Even if he could, he can't. He's hip that he's got a unique image - and he takes good care of it.
    The questions about his long hair and his music - he could have told those reporters where it's at. He's a very bright boy, quick. He has it in him to waste those reporters if he wanted to. Lennon would have. Dylan would have. McGuinn would have; but they never claimed to be everybody's dream.
    Peter answers the questions. Without being humble, or apologetic. So cool. Right down the middle. Really refined. Dig this:
    Q: Why is your hair so long?
    A: Well, I have funny ears, and it covers them up. (Everyone laughs, Peter smiles). That kind of response, it knocked me out each time. It came spontaneously, naturally. But now I think it must have been, well ... artistic. Look how this cat manages to put the reporter down in a little funny bit, and to put himself down, a little funny bit, at the same time. So the put-downs happen, but they cancel each other out and nobody gets the short end. And it's charming also - the way he does it.
    Throughout that entire afternoon Peter was at everybody's disposal. No complaints, no cynicism. He bahaved at all times the way every fan of his knows he behaves, expects him to behave. Even at this lunch, where he's not with fans who love him, but but with the press, with people who make money from him, with people who don't care about him one way or the other. And he wins all of them over by being everybody's dream. It's one way of being a superstar, and I don't put it down, not at all. It's hard work
    This press lunch dragged on and on. Lot of picture taking, lot of interviews with the imported DJ's. Finally it was over.
    Boy, I thought, is Peter ever going to be glad to get away from all these older people bothering him. I bet he's going to make the scene at some of the swinging places tonight, with kids his own age. He's not letting onto having had enough of all this, but I'm sure he has ...
    Next day, a friend told me:
    "Hey, I went to this Chinese restaurant last night. Herman of Herman's Hermits was there with his managers. They seemed to be talking about business things."
    "With his managers?" I said. "At a Chinese restaurant talking business? His one night in New York?"
    "Oh, yeah," my friend said. "He always does that, he spends a lot of time with his managers. He's very cooperative. He's a manager's dream."


Previous | Teen Datebook Mag Index | Next