A TL Scoopadoo! by Herman
A delicious new monthly feature by the world's most FAB new columnist - your own Herman!
      YOU didn't know I was a record producer, did you? Yes, I know you knew I produced records by singing on them and having them in the shops and - what's that? You knew I knew you knew I - Help! Let's start again.
      In addition to making records myself, I've also helped other people to make them. So as well as being what music papers call a "recording artist," I'm also a record producer!
      I'm also a collector of chess sets, a studyer ( - or is studier? No, come to think of it, student's better) of comparative religion, a globetrotter, Pinocchio, no less (on your screens next Christmas), a collector of useless and fascinating bits of information . . . like Shakespeare said, each man in his time plays many parts!
      (You didn't know I was a student of Shakespeare, too, did you? Nor did I.)
      Anyway, after making so many records myself, I got a terrific kick out of stepping up from the studio floor and into the control room when an old mate of mine began to make records on his own account.
      The guy is Graham Gouldman, who had his first single out on RCA earlier this year and now has an LP out as well.
      Which he wrote. All of it!
      And there's the rub (Shakespeare - or near enough).
      Because for ages Graham's been one of the most successful songwriters in Britain (he's only 21). And now he's got a staggering contract with RCA - as a singer!
     I was furious, of course! "I've got enough competition as it is," I told him. What with people like Ray Charles and Sinatra and one or two others. And besides - Graham's been writing smashing numbers for me to record!
     Numbers like I Can Take or Leave Your Loving, No Milk Today, four new songs for my picture, Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Daughter . . .
     Plus a load of chart-busting stuff for other groups and artists.
     So what's he want to become a singer for!
     You understand my feelings. So when he made this earth-shattering pronouncement about vocalizing his own creations, there was only one thing I could do.
     I went along to the studio with him and up into the control box to try and get the best possible results from the session. A record producer no less!

  

     Because, of course, Graham and I have been mates for since long before either of us dreamt of making records.
     He's a Mancunian like me (translation: someone born in Manchester), and we both came into the business through playing with Manchester groups.
     What's more up till a year or two back, he worked by day in the office of my co-manager, Harvey Lisberg - who is now his manager! And at night he was with a group called the Whirlwinds while Harvey was still trying to get people interested in Herman's Hermits
     "Harvey used to come round to my house," Graham told me once, "and ask my advice. Because the Whirlwinds were much more successful around Manchester than your Hermits were! And I used to give him advice!
     "Then what happened? The Whirlwinds broke up - and your lot shot into the bigtime!"
     He should worry. As a songwriter who's been at it professionally for only three years, he's already got enough in the bank to retire on! They're calling him Graham Goldmine!
     I'd like you to meet him one day. He's a tall (6 ft) gangling guy with a dark, angular face and big, big eyes and he gets his ideas in unlikely places.
     He got the idea for No Milk on a doorstep! He nearly tripped over an empty glass bottle which had a little note stuck inside it for the milkman. Guess what it said. Oh, you've guessed already!
     One number he wrote was called Evil Hearted You. And I bet you won't guess where he got that idea. At the dentist's!
     Mind you, I've warned him. Come the day when I find that he and I are competing on records with the same song I'll give him another idea he won't forget in a hurry.
      It'll be the end of a beautiful friendship!
      What's that? Somebody's used that title already? Well, in that case I'll draw myself up to my full height (I'm two inches shorter than him) and tell him exactly what I think of him, 'till I have him on his knees begging me to stop.
     Eh? Stop? He's already written one called Stop, Stop, Stop? Of course! And recorded it in England!
      You just can't win, can you?
      But I hope you like his album all the same. He's my mate!


The Hermits and I had a ball last time we were in the U.S.
Here we're trying to do a song-and-dance on the grass! 		 
Graham Gouldman and I
have been mates for ages.
Now he's my competition -
as a singer!

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